I have figured out that I only blog when it is easy and convenient for me. I know that is selfish and I am sorry to any of you that had any hope of me putting out regular posts.
All I have ever really wanted in life was to plant roots deep and have a quiet life. I have finally come the the realization that is never going to happen for me. I am constantly uprooted and tossed about on the wind. Half the time I don't know if I am coming or going. Right now my only focus ( despite having to move and having no where to move to) is getting my daughter through school and ready for life away from mom and dad. I really just want to quit everything right now ,God wants me to be a vagabond and I hate it and it makes me depressed. I honestly don't care about church or moving or any productive thing I could be or should be doing. It feels like it is all too much and that I am drowning. I hate thinking about my son it makes me unbearably sad. I go back and forth between praying for him and trying to forget I ever had a son. I am simply just a shell of myself going though the motions to keep my household running. I promise to blog again when I can pull myself together. Again I am sorry I have not done all the wonderful things that I had so hoped to do.
All I have ever really wanted in life was to plant roots deep and have a quiet life. I have finally come the the realization that is never going to happen for me. I am constantly uprooted and tossed about on the wind. Half the time I don't know if I am coming or going. Right now my only focus ( despite having to move and having no where to move to) is getting my daughter through school and ready for life away from mom and dad. I really just want to quit everything right now ,God wants me to be a vagabond and I hate it and it makes me depressed. I honestly don't care about church or moving or any productive thing I could be or should be doing. It feels like it is all too much and that I am drowning. I hate thinking about my son it makes me unbearably sad. I go back and forth between praying for him and trying to forget I ever had a son. I am simply just a shell of myself going though the motions to keep my household running. I promise to blog again when I can pull myself together. Again I am sorry I have not done all the wonderful things that I had so hoped to do.
((((hugs))))) dear Sister in Christ. Sometimes the thing thing to hold on to isn't a thing it's just Him. Christ alone. Thankfully also, I want to remind you that feelings are only for a season, happiness will return. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteDig deep for roots in Jesus Sister, there is nothing and no one else worth depending on nor hoping in. I speak from long experience and trial and error.
ReplyDeleteTrust God, let Him lead and He will use ALL things for good in your life. Remember, He looks to eternity not just down the line. What is suffering for you now may be a huge blessing to you or your children in the future.
Give it to Him and obey. I have found it is the only happiness and security in this world.
I want to thank both of you who have posted encouragements to me. They are deeply appreciated.
ReplyDelete